After All These Long Years
by PrismUnicornRainbows
Summary: It's been so long, yet it still feels like only yesterday...So why does it hurt so much? After the Battle of the Five Armies, and the nightmares are still there... Post BOTFA
1. Chapter 1: The Shire

Another nightmare this week.

Bilbo was getting fatigued from all the memories from the past year, and the neighbors noticed. But instead of worrying about his reputation as a Baggins of Bag End, he was only haunted by memories. But instead of remembering the joyous times he had with the 13 Dwarves and the Wandering Wizard, or the glorious kingdoms he came upon-whether it be Elvish or Dwarf-or even the thrill of battles, he remembered only the horrors: The spiders the size of cattle, the Pale Orc breathing down their necks, Smaug the Terrible, the way the Ring he lied to Gandalf about whispered murderously tempting things in his mind. A reason why he rarely ever wore it, but kept it hidden. Kept it safe. But the worst...

The worst was when Bilbo remembered...When he remembered him.

The proud, stubborn, Elven-prejudiced King under the Mountain. The one who doubted Gandalf about his choice of a burglar to retrieve the thing the Dwarf craved most than his life-the Arkenstone. _The King's Jewel_.

Thorin.

Why...why couldn't he do anything...Or why couldn't the _Eagles_ do anything?! They flew right above the two at Ravenhill-they could've picked him up, brought the pair to Gandalf, or any healer! _Anything!_ They could've- _should've_ done _something!_ Just like they had done before-

But they didn't. Bilbo often pondered that maybe they knew if Thorin wouldn't make the trip anyway. That maybe it was best that they let the King die making peace with Bilbo before he succumbed to his injuries. _To die in battle. That would've been Thorin's wish._

But why did that make it so hard? Bilbo was there for his friend, was there for his redemption, his end...Why was it harder then to leave what was left of the company? With Thorin's nephews, Fili and Kili dead, Dain had been crowned instead, and what was promised to the people of Laketown was given. There was finally peace for Erebor, Dale, and even Murkwood-which returned to it's former name of Greenwood.

But even as Bilbo came back to The Shire, and slowly returned to the routine deep in his subconscious he knew he couldn't just return to. It wouldn't be the same ever again. Bilbo couldn't act as though he had never held a sword in his hand, or as if he didn't stall a dragon from swallowing where he stood. Bilbo couldn't just go back. Gandalf was right. He truly _was_ a changed Hobbit.

He wanted the nightmares to end. He planted the acorn from Beorn's home in his garden, but as the plant grew, so did Bilbo's guilt. _Maybe I_ could've _done something..._

Over time, the nightmares grew less and less. Over time, Bilbo eventually started getting a decent night's sleep, and tried to carry on. It wasn't only until years later, when the middle-aged Hobbit became older than most sensible thinking Hobbits would believe was possible, that he decided that he was to complete a task he should've done years ago.

What better way to keep the legends of Durin's folk alive, than to write it down? Perhaps then, he could remember his friends, and the pain won't be as strong as he grew to live with. It was sometime before it was Bilbo's 111th birthday, when he began his tale for his nephew Frodo.

"In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit..."

* * *

I really hope that I did this justice...But please review! :)


	2. Chapter 2: Rivendale

In all the little hobbit's honesty, Bilbo Baggins of Bag End did not think he would live as long as he did. He surprised all who lived in the Shire, most thinking that he should be six feet under where they stood-possibly so that they could snoop for the supposed 'treasures of Erebor' in the pantry. Or his cousin would steal his spoons again.

It was only when he returned to Rivendale, the first Elven kingdom he came across, that Bilbo was started to feel the Hours catch up to him. He began to walk slower, more because he was out of breath, rather than to drink in the beauty of the white halls and calm vitality of nature creeping in where it could. It certainly surprised him, when Bilbo found his nephew, Frodo, stumble into Elrond's home with-

 _No._

 _Not this._

 _Not the Ring._

When he saw the small trinket hanging around Frodo's neck, Bilbo felt an urge: One that he had fought for so long. One that drove him to mindlessly destroy another life. Because it was his.

 _Mine._

 _Mine!_

He tried to lay his hand on his own nephew. His own flesh and blood.

 _What would Thorin think of this?_ The late King would never commit such a crime to his nephews, or any of his brethren...Except for those days...when the King was mad with the cursed Dragon Sickness. The plague on the mind, corruption because of the gold and wealth that beckoned Smaug to destroy Dale and take Erebor under his god-sized wing in the first place.

How could Bilbo allow the Ring to corrupt him so? _Was this how Thorin felt when I offered the Arkenstone to Bard and King Thranduil?_ The urge to do anything to get it back? But Bilbo held back at the last minute, only just enough so that Frodo saw the darkened creature Bilbo almost became. And Frodo forgave him, realizing the danger of having the cursed Ring in his possession and the importance of the mission of destroying it in Mount Doom.

"Forgive me, my boy..."


	3. Chapter 3: The Gray Havens

"I believe it's time for another adventure..." Was the last words anyone heard Bilbo Baggins of Bag End say. Leaving the Shire, Rivenndale, Middle Earth entirely for the Grey Havens with Elrond, Lady Galadriel, her husband, Frodo, Gandalf and a handful of other Elves. He was nothing like he used to be. Being without the Ring for so long, and with it destroyed in Mount Doom, Bilbo's age truly started to show. But Bilbo finished the book, just like he promised him...and Thorin.

The journey was long, the days and nights merged until not even Lady Galadriel could decipher how long it took. But when the last boats reached the white shores of the West, Time meant little for the company. Greeted by Legolas and Gimli, the group stepped out one by one. They did not know if Thranduil returned to the Grey Havens. Bilbo shuffled down the wooden board last-when he saw someone. Someone Bilbo thought he would never see again. The one he saw, was joined with others-exactly 13.

Thorin, who was proudly wearing armorial robes and crowned with wisdom and bravery. He opened his arms in welcome for Bilbo, smiling.

And suddenly-Bilbo was young again! He could sprint, gallop, prance, fly through the air, _anything!_ Energy he never felt even when he was a young'un surged through Bilbo Baggins as he ran straight into the open arms of the King under the Mountain. Thorin chuckled loudly, joined by Fili, Kili, Balin, Dwalin, Oin, Gloin, Bofur, Bifur, Bombur, Dori, Nori, and the youngest, little Ori.

"Welcome home, my friend."

* * *

After watching BoTFA, this is a bit of a headcanon I have for the LoTR and TH series. When I was younger, I didn't think that Frodo and Bilbo could've actually died at the end of Return of The King, but when I watched it all again, I realized:

Holy sugar honey ice tea, did...Did Frodo go to heaven? *if you believe in heaven, that it*

So I thought that that's where everyone goes. There's actually a Roman/Greek myth (I think) and it was that when you die, you are carried across on a boat, and that's why people had money put on their eyes when they died-to pay the boatman. Geez, even when you die you have to pay for everything ;D

Someone asked me if BoTFA changed me in anyway. I answered, "If by changed you mean alive then dead, then yeah. BoTFA changed me."

So there you go, some comfort fiction for those (including me) still suffering from the FEELZ.


End file.
